I’m learning something important about myself that pertains to the work I do, and it’s something I’m forced to think about when my creative spark seems doused.
I’m learning that in some instances, I strive too hard to do this work. I’ve tried with all of myself to offer something valuable every day, and I recognize that in doing so, I tend to force and subdue the very flow I work to attain. There are times when the flow is unavailable, and it’s difficult for me to accept this when I try so hard to be of service.
In some cases, I’ve let my drive to do this work inhibit me in actually doing it by setting rigorous standards that, if I don’t live up to, I tend to spiral into disappointment because of. I watch other people diligently serve humanity with inspiring works every day, and my only real goal in life is to serve in such an immense way myself.
I’ve given my existence to spirit to let it work through me, so it can be especially frustrating when the flow I strive so hard to attain is unattainable. It’s an aggravating feeling, and I can tell that it’s something I need to transcend if I want to continue doing this work.
You might not know it, but lately I’ve been trying a lot of different formats for the things I write. One format I’ve tried is what I call ‘higher writing’ or ‘divine writing’ which, essentially, is lightly channeling in place of writing in the concerted, mind-centered way most people do it.
I’ve made it a point to let spirit speak through me, and writing in such a way was really working for me until recently. Generally, I notice that each new format I experiment with works for a couple of days before the flow is inhibited again, and since I want to work without stopping, this has caused quite an emotional rollercoaster.
For me, one of the worst feelings is sitting down at the computer or the notebook and not having one thing to say or bring through. A feeling of uselessness arises that drives me crazy, because honestly, my only desire is to do as much as I can for the betterment of the planet.
Sometimes, I see articles, movies, television shows, etc. that seem low-brow or just plain silly, and I think, Wow. The people who made this were so passionate and worked so hard, but the work they’re reaching millions of people with has little to no significant value to spirit or humanity’s evolution.
When I see this, I wonder how people are able to feel so inspired to produce things that go against our evolution, and yet, I seek to work for spirit but can’t find the flow to do anything significant. It’s confusing to say the least, and the inhibition of my writing/channeling has me endlessly wondering what I’m meant to do to help awaken people.
In a sense, I feel like I try too hard. Maybe I strive too much to produce something I want to be valuable, and instead of focusing on spirit (the essence of the material) I focus on staying in a constant creative flow because I don’t want to greet the feelings of empty uselessness that can result from breaking it.
Maybe I should be okay with slowly writing something that doesn’t end up very long (I try to produce long articles) instead of striving for something I feel disappointed if I can’t attain. Maybe my devotion to spirit and the fact that I seek to offer as much of myself as possible is enough, and I don’t need to try so hard.
Striving to produce the material I do has made me quite unhappy when the flow’s inhibited, because I’ll want to look back on this life and know that I did things that significantly helped the seekers around me.
When the flow seems non-existent, all I can do is sit in observational silence and ask myself (and spirit) just what I’m meant to do. I’ve tried on a lot of different suits – the channeling suit, the writing suit, the ‘higher writing’ suit – but none of them really fit like my narrow, striving mind wants them to.
The solution to this ongoing inner-conflict is always changing, but for now, I think it’s that I need to decrease the pressure I put on myself and, if needed, let myself write a smaller article when the flow isn’t present in the way I’d like it to be.
I’m assured of spirit no matter what, and my endless desire to help humanity become aware of the truth of our existence will never let me stop working. Perhaps it’s the manner in which I work that’s important, and sometimes, it’s ok to stop striving and simply observe.
If I wrote and published a few short paragraphs each day, as opposed to the long and flowing material I’ve been giving, I could perhaps decrease the pressure I put on myself and produce purer work as a result. This is my solution for now, and no matter where the days, weeks, and months ahead take me, I’ll remain assured of what I’m here to do.
How I’m meant to do it is the only thing I’ve been questioning, but the higher realms I seek to appease and subsequently inform others about remain everlasting and unchanging, no matter what I do to bring knowledge about them to humanity.
Wes Annac – Constantly questioning in a time of greater awareness.
Wes Annac is a 20 year old awakening seeker and creator of The Aquarius Paradigm daily news site.
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