For background on this article, see “Final Update: Request for Assistance via Donations“

I have a strong desire to communicate how I’m feeling in this moment, and some of what I say may be a result of inspiration I’m drawing-on from others. Having experienced what initially feels to be a crushing blow in the form of us being unable to get the house I have been discussing on the blog, I’m finding a plethora of different emotions swirling around within me.

There is the expected disappointment, heartbreak and anguish. I recognize that they are temporary and that I’m a spiritual being who can far surpass the states of consciousness where they would even be prevalent and yet, they seem quite fixed in me at present. They are attached to an overall heavy weight, and it’s a similar weight that has been mentioned by others as of late.

Again, those feelings are expected and I recognize that I will be processing them as I would any negative feelings garnered from what I perceive to be a negative outcome happening in my Life or at least, an outcome I didn’t expect or agree with. Rebellion against the Universe for having Created circumstances to play out as they have has been another expected feeling but really, trying to blame the Universe for this is futile.

The Universe does not Create our experience; we act in accordance with the Universe to bring about that which we desire in our Lives. However, the feeling of having been betrayed or being a victim in so many ways has arisen, and I recognize that it has risen as a part of the necessary cleansing of my own personal vasanas.

I’ve found so many things about the grueling wait for answers that has been these past few days, that I now recognize were making me as miserable as they were because they are all related to feelings I had as a child that I’ve never fully resolved until now. Don’t get me wrong; this will be and has been one of the hardest overall lessons for me to learn, and it seems to have come about in a very brazen way.

However, I see the necessity of every feeling that has arisen in the past few days. I now understand that it is all a part of the intense, difficult, heartbreaking, wondrous, unexpected and miraculous existence that is Living on Earth. The feeling has arisen that I should forget completely about the attachments that I had forged to the house, and I see that doing so would be burying emotions and feelings down which could come right back up during the next bouts of surfacing.

I’m certainly learning that this type of surfacing will only continue in bolder and more brazen ways, until we are familiar with and have transmuted every last bit of past and current-Life residue we’ve built up as we experienced the lower dimensional Earth. Of course, bitterness has also arisen toward those who did buy the house, and the feeling of me somehow being more worthy than them has arisen as well.

I recognize that such a feeling is greatly out of alignment with the truth as in reality, I am spirit; nothing more, nothing less. Being spirit makes me no more or less worthy of anything than another and yet, I see that I’ve traveled this whole endeavor with the mindset that my family and I were somehow more worthy or that it would absolutely work out for us, because we have spirit on our side.

I’m learning that having spirit on my side does not give me the home field advantage I had assumed it did, and can actually account for much of the necessary and catalytic difficulty I’ve experienced when acting out of alignment with my personal path or with the actions and intents of the higher dimensions I wish to grow back toward.

This does not mean having spirit on your side is a bad thing, of course, and it is actually the best thing you can have with you; it is simply that the Love you receive from spirit may be tough Love that is ultimately designed to benefit you in your growth.

I also recognize that as we were getting closer to finding out if our offer was to be accepted, I seemed to grow increasingly tired of the space we find ourselves in. We Live in a basement which, while cramped for a small family, has served us well up to this point and beyond the issues of space, I have never really had a problem with this place and have accepted it as the sacred space in which I’m allotted by spirit to eat, sleep, Live and perform my work.

However, I see now that my ego was finding things about this space to minimize, and the mindset of the space I’m currently in being “less than” flooded my perspective and allowed me to believe that where I am currently is not perfect. I see that this is not so, as I am growing into a perspective of seeing that everything is perfect, in every moment.

As I understand that I was minimizing the sacred space around me as well as allowing myself to feel self-righteous and sure of myself simply because of the spiritual power and energy I’ve come to find, I see now where the learning and growing is intended, and I see what I am asked to do.

I am asked to recognize the Divinity of this moment of Now rather than looking toward any future event and allowing myself to feel anxious or nervous for any reason, and I am asked to be in appreciation for the continual miracle spirit has offered my family and I, as we are able to eat every day; have a shelter over our heads; have food; shoes; the Love of those around us; and we are even able to get out and enjoy the serene nature the area around us has to offer.

Truly, we are blessed and we always have been. I allowed myself to forget about the blessings that have already been bestowed upon us and now, I’m seeing that the meek are indeed blessed and that fulfillment of the Self comes not from the outward circumstances in one’s Life being properly aligned to one’s liking, but from the growing and learning that brings us back to the natural realizations and understandings about how we can best Live and enjoy our Lives.

Recognizing and being thankful for what we have is not a cliché, and will rather bring us back to the understanding that the Life we are Living right now is perfect. Any other assumption or feeling is simply illusion, and I say this not to be conceited but because I have had to learn it the hard way.

From here on out, I recognize the different avenues I could take after having had our offer rejected for the house. Even despite getting my feelings out in this writing, I could choose to wallow in unawareness and allow myself to feel like a victim, allow bitterness in, etc. I could hide away from reality in an unhealthy manner and convince myself that I’m just too depressed or drained to do this or that.

I could allow every sad or confused thought that floats into my awareness to bring me back down, or I can stand strong and know that, as a dear reader said in a comment that helped a lot, the Divine Mother makes no mistakes. I can recognize that I have been blessed with a sacred existence and with a family who Loves me, and I can stand strong in my Light and in the knowing that I and my family will be fine.

I can work to raise awareness about the aspects of society I’m coming to learn are truly not in resonation with the best interests of the people, and I can “up the ante” so to speak without burying real emotions or feelings related to this house under the guise of doing so.

What I mean is that I can increase my understanding of why this has happened the way it has and the specifics of the Divine plan for me, and I can increase the work I feel myself here to do rather than wallowing in self-pity, becoming a victim or suppressing hurt feelings or emotions in the name of performing spiritual work.

There are so many more thoughts and emotions spinning around in my head and heart, but many of them will simply have to make themselves known to me privately as I could not possibly express them all. I see that the next few days could be a rollercoaster, as this experience tends to be, and I ready myself for whatever comes next.

The immense outpouring of support, both energetic and financial, that was given by you dear readers continues to leave us in a state of shock and awe, and we have said from the beginning that even if the whole endeavor were not to work out, we are still blessed with readers and friends who care about us just as a dear friend would care about another dear friend.

The fact alone that we have so much Love, caring and support has opened our eyes to the fact that humanity is indeed evolving, and I very much intend to show my thanks to you all with the fruitful works I am to produce from here on out. Just as others have reported, this catalytic weight I’m feeling which, for me, has been brought about as a result of our failed attempted to buy our “dream house”, is stirring-up feelings of revolution in me.

I am gaining a small peek into the most driven, motivated feeling I’ve perhaps ever felt to introduce change on this world. Especially because of matters related to the house and dealing with the bank that owns it which really showed us the corruptness behind it all, I am feeling and just beginning to decipher something that is stronger than a want or a drive; it is a need to raise awareness and focus the collective’s attention on every aspect of our world that just isn’t right.

It’s an incredible feeling indeed, and it’s arrived on the back of the catalytic sadness that has resulted from our “dream house” slipping through our fingers. Just as you dear readers have told us and our family has told us, something better will come along and in the meantime, we are to continue on our house-hunt while I work to produce as much and as pure work as I can for you dear readers to continue to benefit from.

Oh yes, one last note – I had no idea I was helping so many people in such big ways! The sheer fact that so many of you have had so many similar things to say about how the work I’m doing has helped you along your paths and in your own personal “dark night of the soul moments” has shown me that we certainly didn’t get this house because the Universe thinks I’m in the wrong line of work.

My intent has always been to give as much assistance as possible and publish it in the hopes that it will help whomever may be drawn to it, and I recognize that some don’t and won’t resonate with my material and encourage all who don’t resonate to find something that does and of course, to open up to their inner-realms, but wow! The outpouring of thanks for this work that was attached to the outpouring of Love and financial assistance you dear readers have given us has certainly been felt!

Basically, this is where I am at in this moment. Again – catalytic feelings will continue to arise and I may find myself hitting low points in the next few days, but that’s ok. I’m continuing to feel the lightening springtime vibrations accompanying what seem to be continual bouts of upgrades and intense lesson-learning, and having been able to write out the bulk of what I’m feeling and realizing about myself and about this whole endeavor, I think I am ready to rest and ponder what the future has in store.

Wes Annac – Happy to communicate when pain leads to revelations

WesAnnac.com

AquariusParadigm.com

Image: http://img3.visualizeus.com/thumbs/10/08/01/quote,di,lessons,quotes,graphic,design,learning,mistakes-e4fcbfbc90a802ae4117e94509083c6c_h.jpg